I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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