someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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