Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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