Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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