She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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