I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every concussion has its silver lining
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
