So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
