I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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