Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
