Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
