just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to make out with him forever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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