4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
