I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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