I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
