So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
