I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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