Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
