I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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