Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
