She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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