I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
