apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
