Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
