I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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