I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
