walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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