It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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