dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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