I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
