FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
