remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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