Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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