somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
