did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
this hospital has no fireball
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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