I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
