Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
