Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
