She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
