I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
