Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
