do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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