it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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