I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
