I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
