She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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