i would punch a child for taco bell
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
