My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
