i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
