how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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