why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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