I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
