he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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