New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
