i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
third nipple confirmed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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