u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
