Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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