I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
