I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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