mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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