ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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